like a pendulum.

A Girl on the Swing

Chungmi Kim

She sees the mountain

upside down.

With her long hair 

sweeping the fallen leaves

she swings

like a pendulum.

From the lagoon at sunset

a hundred sparrows fly away.

Wishing them back

she whistles softly.

And downward

she falls into the sky.

I am came across this poem at an extremely dark time of my life. I felt haunted by it. I felt as if I connected with that girl on the swing, having my own things to wish back: childhood, innocence, happiness, love, confidence. But we all know that nothing comes back just by wishing for it. If it were so what would we say for growth or cultivation of character? 

What I didn't realize then, that has come with time, is how truly wishing is a childlike verb. It points to the lack of being able to change your situation; you wish for things for which you have no control, it is what you do when you are helpless. For far too long I have lived my adult life with that childlike verb as my mantra - sitting back and wishing that things were different, that time could be reversed to come out right, to have it all play out fair.

Finally, however, after small steps in the right direction I am finally beginning to swing my pendulum in the opposite direction and realize there is nothing wrong with wishing . . . if . . . it is combined with work. That was what I was forgetting all those years - I am no longer a child. I am no longer a helpless victim of unfairness and pain. I can wish and work my way to the person I long to be. It has taken years and many set backs and there will probably be a few more but I am okay with that, because it is in those moments of set back that I have the free feeling of knowing that I can see a mountain upside down and my hair can touch the leaves as I make my way back up . . .

On Thursday August 9, 2012, I was given a gift that will forever live in my memory; I was able to see what I had set aside all these years as something I didn't deserve - - - love. My parents threw me a surprise birthday party and the inadequate word I keep thinking that would encompass it is LOVE - I certainly felt in and I hope with all my heart that they felt and will continue to feel it from me. 

Thank you. 

And now for the fun . . . . picture madness . . . "deal with it Cate Blanchett!"

Yeah - - - I wasn't expecting a backyard of people:) but oh, was it fun . . .

Love first to the women who made it all possible and worked all summer for this - love you mom!

Enjoying a moment with Pops - thank you Dad! I love you:)

And the prize for the person who came the farthest goes to . . . Aunt Margie! Come on downnnnn!! (What I always assume must be said when a winner is announced - curse you Price is Right!) I love you more than words:)

Closest I will ever come to a celebrity . . . no autographs please.

Such a beautiful night! Thanks to everyone who came:) 

Some of my favorite people on the planet - Paul and Paulette Barnes:)

The wonderful Apedailes!!

Becky and I  - such a dear friend

Fernando and Raquel - it wouldn't have been a celebration without them:)

Los Patiños - - - part of my life for 20+ years, love you!

Mark and Candace Crane - I love these two:)

The Lyon's - Peterson is a better place because you live there!

I must interrupt the guest pics to highlight everyone's favorite part - - - the food! Marcela made and decorated the cutest and most delicious cupcakes - there were ribbon sandwiches, empanadas, fruit, veggies, rolls and so many more delicious treats - someone better tell me if they were good;) I was too busy talking:)

Alex and Val - Seagull Book and HR at the Church would have been so not doable without these friends!

Cassie and Michelle! What can you say for best friends?! So happy they came!

Amber!! Life is so much fun because I know this girl!

Could this group be any cooler?! I pretty much say no - Mackenzie, Jenny, Hayli, Eliza, Jake and Andrea (award for best expression goes to Hayli ;) she wins every time)

Cassie and Michelle with their great husbands - Bryce and Spencer:)

I was so happy that Betty and Gordon came:)

She taught me preschool down the lane . . . isn't that so "small town" . . .

Claudia loved having me pose and I loved her for doing that - It was such a great sunset!

The swing was a fun spot - Eli could really get it going, it was so great that the Ferrell family came!

Natalie and I pretty much go back to birth, haha - My cousin and dear friend!

There was so much fun going on - good food, conversation, and SOCCER - it wouldn't be an Argentine birthday without soccer, I wish I would have joined in:)

Look at Jake taking all those kids on - you rock Jake!

And the highlight for many . . . . the PIÑATA - not one but two! Mason is going for it!

So many fun prizes - my mom made separate bags for the boys and the girls! There isn't anyone more awesome than my madre!

Of course they needed a 30 year Piñata veteran to step in and seal the deal - 

Nothing to it but aggression, haha

Summer Ferrell and I with the perfect birthday hats - such a cutie!!

Mackenzie! I am so grateful for her:)

LoriAnn Ferrell and I  - one of my favorite people on the planet:)

The camera women herself - - - Tia Claudia!

Natalie and her cute Siena

My friends from SLC - seriously love them all: Jen, Hayli, Lesley, Andrea and Kristen! These girls are the coolest, can I please be like them when I grow up?

Alex always being the life of the party:) Love you, Al!!

The day finally coming to a close but not before . . . .

CAKE! Mason will always and forever be my birthday candle blowing out partner - he is a pro!

I didn't get to get a picture with everyone that came but I hope they know how much I love them!! . . . . . . . so . . . . . . until another 30 years pass . . .  . . . . . . .

THAT'S ALL FOLKS . . . . .