Midnight Ramblings . . . good enough for the 100th post

It's midnight and I'm tired. I can't sleep. For weeks now it takes me hours to go to sleep, insomnia has become my companion. There is too much thinking that decides to take place at precisely the hour of sleep. Tonight it was - I'm moving and sad, I'm moving and anxious, Italy, graduation, confusion of what to do now that I've graduated, longing, wishing I was better, deciding to be better, feeling as if I've let God down, feeling as if I've let myself down, feeling tired, feeling grateful to a teacher that helped me through this last semester, deciding I need to do something for her, hoping my family is okay - everyone in the extended realm included, wishing for understanding, needing to do more for others, thinking of all the people who have done so much for me, wondering about Vonda and Norma and what they might be doing, wondering if people really talk and feel like Alice Munro describes in the short story collection I'm reading, thinking it's almost summer and I haven't started on my parents' histories like I promised in their Christmas present, loving my family especially the three little boys with the one on the way - - - it goes on and on.

Bringing up Christmas reminds me of something. Christmas was always special around our house, most people feel that way about their childhood Christmases. On Christmas Eve, one of the last things that we children did before going to bed was to draw straws. My parents didn't want us all going down to the tree at the same time, but wanted everyone to have a turn individually. That lead to the drawing of the straws - we all wanted to get the smallest because that meant that we had the coveted spot of going down first and getting 5 minutes alone with all the presents Santa left for us and for our siblings. The smallest went first, right on up to the longest and we went down in five minute increments. I loved the rush that I felt as dad turned away from us at the kitchen table and cut the straws - sometimes they were matches or whatever he could find. Then he would turn around and we would pick - sometimes oldest to youngest or youngest to oldest and sometimes I would yell that I should go first because I was the only girl (haha - I used that a lot). Whatever happened was set in stone. I think about this story because it reminds me of life right now. I feel like I got the last and longest straw and I keep yelling down the stairs wondering if its my time yet but getting no response. I don't mean this in regards to being the last married or even to being the one that will now be at home, the meaning comes for me, in a place beyond description. Words falter. Feeling are what remains.

If none of this made any sense, just disregard it. After all, it is past midnight:) Happy 100th post to me!!

A little . . . Pomp and Circumstance

So . . . today was the day, Graduation. I have to say that it was exciting, exhilarating, funny, wonderful, sad, scary and more than anything, I realized, how cool and fun a little pomp and circumstance could be:) Walking into the auditorium, all I could think was I want to do this again! I need to do this again! I realized that all the hard work payed off in more ways than I could ever count. Here are some photos so you can follow my day . . .

The night before graduation my parent's took me out to Taggart's - it was fun

Here I am around 6:30am - tired but excited for the day ahead

Gabby and I, waiting to walk into the Dee Center - my friend Brianna insisted that we do a silly face - I think we both need work on that

Here are two dignified and sophisticated students of the College of Arts and Humanities - me and Brianna

Here I am with my friend Eden - we suffered through this last semester together:)

Looking surprised and angry before we walk in . . .

Look close and you can see Elder's Uchdorf and Eyring standing in front of President Monson - it was an amazing and inspiring address:)

Here is is after receiving his doctorate and addressing the graduates

The first one we saw after coming out was dad - how fitting, don't you think

Isn't the concrete a beautiful backdrop! It had to do because it rained most of the day

I think at the last minute Danielle shouted out, "Everyone act like your riding a surfboard - Hang loose!" sadly, we were so excited that we did it.

The parents and the happy grads!

The brunch was fun, although it was the first time I had pasta at 10 in the morning:) Danielle and Marcos slept through 3 alarms but due to my wake up call, they scrambled and made it in time to help us celebrate - thanks for coming guys:)

My friend Jessie and I - congrats Jessie!

Now . . . there was the first batch of photos. There is more fun to come, especially the bit about "Keep Wearing Purple" - for a hint, I give you . . .



THIS -

I LOVE my Mom . . .

=

Yes . . . . my mother IS Pocahontas. I have known this all my life, as have my siblings, but this week it just became a little clearer. Our neighbor, Chuck, has(I guess I should say had) 4 big pine trees that line his front yard just as we do. I happened to be driving my mother home when we past the now open space that used to house the trees. She immedietly let out a gasp, "What is he doing!?! Oh, how awful!" I brought reality back when I told her they were only trees, that it was no big deal. Now, those that know my mother know that my statement was meet with disbelief. We went into the house and got busy doing things. After a little while she stopped and, with all emotion, said, "Oh. I can just feel the pain that our trees have for his trees, their friends."
To which I replied, "Mom, come on, are you kidding me, they are just trees - they don't feel!"

"They do feel Mia! How can you not see their pain - those trees watched you grow up!!"

"They did not watch me grow up - they have no eyes!"

"Mia! Have you not seen Lord of the Ring?!"

to which I lovingly replied, "No, I have not seen Lord of the Ring but I have seen Lord of the RingS." Haha - I crack myself up and I love that accently prone mother, even if for days after, everytime I see her, I break into singing, "Has Chuck ever seen a wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Has he asked the grinning bobcat why he grins? - - - - - How high would Chuck's pine trees grow? He cut them down, so he'll never know!!!

How do you say . . .

I'm going to ITALY in italian!!

My cousin Celeste and her husband Johnathon are currently stationed in Italy, near Venice. He is in Iraq right now and Celeste has graciously accepted to be my host for a few months (yes I said months!!:) starting in September. I am moving home at the end of this month so that I can save some money and I have to say I am very excited! I am getting a little nervous but I love to travel and am pretty good at taking care of myself so I think that things will go well:) There is so much to think about and plan so if anyone has any good suggestions about travel or things I must see - - - let me know:)

Is there an end . . .

17 days.

good start . . .

. . . to a GREAT day:)

I am at work and am calling clients to schedule appointments - fun right? There are times in your life where you feel put together and professional - today is that day for me, or shall I say it was. So, I'm making calls in my friendly, normal, and, I guess, my trying to hard to be professional voice because this is one of the first questions posed to me,
"Oh, wow - it sounds like you have a runny or really stuffy nose?"
humm, well, no. Lets think on how that can be answered . . . sorry, no, just my normal voice.
"Oh" followed by awkward silence . . .


Ahhhh - - - gotta love it:) Who knew that's what my voice sounds like - - - bigger question . . . Why in the world has not one of my friends and family ever told me?!? Do I walk around this world talking with a stuffy nose?

Who knew . . .

. . . that March 19th, the day that finally legalized gambling in Nevada in 1931 - would, years later, also give us . . .

Gabriel!!!!

Happy Birthday big brother!  I love you so much and am so grateful to you!  These past two years have been so great sharing school with you - I couldn't have made it without you - -  Only a few more months left!  Love you!

Proud, Prouder and Proudest!

So . . . . pride is often looked upon as a way to catch a first class ticket to the land down under (not Australia:), but I think that I can get away with being proud of . . .

 . . . my baby brother Mario and his amazingly creative and wonderful poetry that is featured in-

"Time You Let Me In: 25 poets under 25" selected by Naomi Shihab Nye!  I am so happy and excited that the world will get to read a part of Mario's poetry, which I have loved and admired for ages.  Naomi Shihab Nye is a well known and liked contemporary poet.  She has collected 25 aspiring poets who she thinks have promise for the rising generation!  How cool is it that Mario is one of those!  Congrats Mario!  I love you and I love your work!  

Go and get yourself a copy today on Amazon or Borders or Barnes and Noble - you will not be disappointed! 

Is it really that day AGAIN?

Every year I cannot wait until February to celebrate one of the greatest days ever . . . . . . PRESIDENT"S DAY!!  And you all thought I was going to say Valentine's Day - silly folks!  What can be greater than recognizing all the many president's that have made our country what it is - 

First . . . .

Old Kinderhook himself . . . . Martin Van Buren!  How can you not appreciate the man that gave us the saying - O.K.!!

Next, we have - Demacratic "doughface" - - -  Franklin Pierce!  I live on Pierce, what more needs to be said!

And last but definetly not least - - - - - -

Chester A. Arthur - the first President to have his citizenship challenged, the 'ol canadian!  He also didn't like pets - a man after my own heart!

Ahhh, President's Day.  How can you come so fast and not last longer!!!  

PS - - Samuel was my Valentine today!  There isn't a sweeter kid - when he left and was going out the door, already having said goodbye and given me a kiss, he called out, "See ya Valentine!!!"

Wuf.

Every once in a while I catch myself while speaking and realize how silly I sound.  Since before I can remember I have always had trouble saying the word "wolf" or "wolves", it comes out much more like "wuf" and wufs".  Haha - I laugh even thinking about it.  The other day I was participating in a conversation at school about a story that had wolves in it and I think this is what I actually said . . . . "No, you're not grasping the validity of the point I am making - it has nothing to do with the WUFS . . . "  I then felt about four years old and I think I awkwardly tried to mumble the rest of my point - haha, it was a great moment.  Instead of feeling shame in my non-wolf saying abilities I am now owning it!  Yes, I say wuf or wufs and no I cannot change - - - - -I have tried!!

We Wear the Mask

This past week in class we read a poem that has stuck with me and maybe more than that, haunted me.  It was written in a different age for a different purpose, but for me, in this moment, it is for me -

We Wear the Mask

We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes, -

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subleties.

Why should the world be overwise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us, while

We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries

To thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

We wear the mask!

Paul Laurence Dunbar

My mask is wearing thin and I am weary.  Not only of mine but of those I see all around.

el año pasado y el año que viene . . .

It has been a great few weeks.  I went to Indiana to visit Mario and Wendy the first part of December.  I was able to stay two weeks and had the hardest time leaving them, especially little Ethan.  While we were there we went up to Chicago for two days and it was the greatest.  I am going to live there some day.  I loved it.

I love this shot.  It's at the top of the John Hancock building.I didn't even know Mario was taking a picture, it has a melancholy feeling but interesting at the same time.

View from the top - the John Hancock top.

Mario and I showing off our skating skills - I bet you all are so impressed:)

Me and the Bean

The famous Chicago sign and me:)

Ethan and I working on our gingerbread houses

Wendy and her hot blond hair working on the GBH

on the morning that Ethan opened the Christmas presents from Utah and me getting to read Thomas to this cute kid

This boy rocks!!  Here he is trying on new clothes from Chard's #2 but keeping on his trademark socks - he wears either green or orange but that day he wanted one of each - so cool!

E. and his trains!!!  He was obsessed with trains and Thomas - he knew all the character names and could play for hours.  I miss this little one!

My last Sunday there - our Christmas picture:)

E. playing in the snow! - they didn't have very much and his playing consisted of walking around but man he is cute

This shot is especially for Papa - he was coming home to Utah with me!

It was such a great trip and then I got to come home to a very relaxing Christmas and New Years.  Tomorrow the real world starts again - work, school, life.  I'm not sure I'm prepared for it but I guess it's time to move forward and see what this new year can bring.

Chicago . . . .

Breathtaking . . . more to come.

Kreativ Blogger

My sister Wendy has nominated me for a Kreativ Blogger award. She's the creative one so I'm not so sure what she's talking about:) but I thank her anyway.
Here are the rules -
1) Copy the pretty picture and post it on your blog.
2) Thank the person that gave it to you and link to their blog.
3) Write 7 things about yourself we don't know.

- I'm a people watcher - not in the creepy peeping Tom way - but in the - I like to observe others and notice human behavior - way. When I was young and my family went shopping at the mall, my dad and I would spend our time on a bench just watching people as they passed. We would make up stories about their lives - sometimes trying to be right and sometimes just coming up with a story. I still like to do that.

- I love mixing foods together, but if they are on the same plate - I don't like the food to touch (yeah I know that doesn't make sense) - I love eating grapes and strawberries together, mashed potatoes and corn and apples and string cheese. Speaking of food - I HATE yogurt and pudding and anything that has a creamy texture to it.

- When I was at my semester in Nauvoo I tried to learn how to play the violin - I rocked Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star - but honestly was just reminded that I have no musical abilities . . . besides my amazingly fantastic singing voice that is (as Marcos often tells me).

- Michael McClean once pushed me to get to someone and I, to this very day, have a vendetta against him!

- When I was 10, my older cousin Emily once tricked me into believing that she was 27 (she was probably 14 or 15). I don't know why but I was so awestruck by that age and wished I could be 27 and cool like her. It's odd to me to actually be 27.

- I think that in a previous life I must have been a detective - - - I love, love, love crime shows - I can't get enough! I can usually figure out the plot and deduce the ending - it must be all the Ghostwriter I watched as a kid!

- I have a severe hatred for some movies from my youth - Labyrinth, Beetle Juice, Never ending story, ET, anything Charlie Brown (don't get me started on the teacher) . I can't handle them!!!!

There you have it folks, now for the rest of the rules -
4) Choose 7 other bloggers to pass the award to.
5) Link to those 7 other bloggers.
6) Notify your 7 bloggers.

1 - Michelle - it's private but I want to hear some good stuff from you:)
2 - Ariel and Dave - you rock and I can't wait to hear what you got! (7 individual things from each of you, of course!)
3 - Abby - another private blog but oh dearest cousin -I know you got some good ones!
4 - Rose - you are wonderful!
5 - Emily - my dear cousin who is above mentioned - come through for me friend and no worries - I got those recipes coming:)
6 - Talecia - let's hear it, my friend!
7 - Rahndi - I love and miss you.

Happy Birthday to my favorite Veteran . . .

Dad - 

I love you.  I hope you had a wonderful birthday and wish you more than the best!  On the day that we honor those, like you, who have served our country I wanted you to know that I appreciate who you are.  You served our country and I am grateful but more than that, you have served our family.  For that fact, there is nothing I could do to ever repay you.  Here is a my first poem that I have written and it's dedicated to you - 

Once recalled

As darkness sets in

I often see

hard benches,

clasped hands with twirling thumbs.

I hook my arm in his

and it is dwarfed.

Remember, say the whispers,

where faith began for you.

The twirling thumbs

move forward then back,

forward then back,

forward then back;

with each twirl

a faith renewed.